RIP, my sweet baby Tika

No matter how much you try, you can never prepare yourself for when it is time. Even though you know you are doing the right thing, your heart just shatters into a million pieces.

Yesterday, after the big meltdown, we calmed down and laid our hostilities and anger to rest. Hubby comforted me, apologized to me and I did the same. We went to visit Caya who was looking like a train wreck. She was also in the same kennel that Tika was in after her amputation. I told the vet staff to please name this kennel after us.

About 2 a.m. this morning, he comes up to me, the first time in 12 years I've ever seen him crying, he tells me...It's time. I get up, and go downstairs and gather Tika to me, she's gasping for air, I rub her chest and back until she can get her breath back. Once she is comfortable, we try to get a bit more sleep ourselves.

This morning, my husband has shut down, I make some calls and get in touch with the vet. We decide to bring Tika to the office, they have a special room, and we'll have the place to ourselves. We have about an hour left with Tika so we hugged her, and I told her that she needed to be Caya's guardian angel now because she's really, really sick. Pretty soon, I told her, you won't hurt anymore, and you'll have all your legs and breath and will be running around chasing rabbits.

We loaded Tika up into the truck and made our last car ride to the vets last as long as possible. Tika looked so worn out, there was absolutely no color to her gums or tongue. We get her into the office and start talking to the vet about what was going to happen. Tika of course summons up the strength to wag her tail at the vet, and vet tech.

In the end, it was very very peaceful, she just laid her head down and that was it. It was the first time in several weeks I hadn't seen her struggling to breathe. How can your heart break yet you feel relief at the same time?

Goodbye, sweet princess, I will always love you so.

The thin wire snaps

We have one dog in end stage cancer, our other dog is in acute renal failure with 50/50 chance of survival.

The very, very, very thin line we've been doing our balancing act on has snapped and we are free falling.

Spouse and I got into a horrible argument this morning. I'm not trying to make him out to be an asshole (even though I did call him one at the time), I know he's scared, and I know he doesn't want to let go.

However, I did not appreciate hearing: "I'm tired of you lobbying to kill Tika." This is the sort of stuff we shouldn't be saying to our very strung out wife who's been spending the last few weeks cleaning up blood, urine, phlegm, helping a dying dog breathe, running back and forth to vets offices and trying to work a full time job.

So needless to say, the situation went critical in a hurry. Lots of cruel things were said to each other, it was horrible. I'm actually surprised we hadn't cracked before this.

I ended the fight with, fine, you have full responsibility for Tika the rest of today, and you sleep with her tonight. I only have cuddle duty. Not hospice duty. Spend some actual TIME with her, you'll understand what I'm saying.

This is the worst time of our lives right now, and we shouldn't have taken it out on each other, but we did. Thankfully, our relationship is strong enough to survive it.

Caya goes to emergency hospital

Today the vet called, it's time to transfer Caya to the emergency hospital. She needs to have heavy amounts of fluids pumped into her to help flush her kidneys.

We are still waiting on the Lepto titer test, and ironically enough almost a year to the day of when I was freaking out waiting for Tika's results, I'm once again freaking out waiting for Caya's results.

She will have a jugular catheter, urinary catheter, sonograms, all sorts of fun stuff. Poor baby, she's not like TikaBear, she is not fond of going to the vet.

I gave Tika her first pain shot today, she looked miserable. When we got back from KC, she had perked up quite a bit and we had a nice meal together and she was nice and goofy. I just hugged her alot, she doesn't realize what's going on, but I try not to cry in front of her.

Oh, lookeee, it's Friday the 13th. And I'm really living it to the fullest today.

Caya is still at the vets office. They have her on IV fluids and they have sent off to confirm Lepto through a antibody titer test.

The news we are reading is not reassuring. She's in massive kidney failure right now.

I went to visit her, she's so quiet, not used to that. I'm scared, but it all feels so surreal.

Tika is hanging in there barely. I've started discussing 'it's time' with my husband, but he's just not willing to accept it yet.

In the meantime, I try to comfort her and worry about Caya.

Earlier in the week Tika had a bloody nose, I got her cleaned up, but the doc said the cancer has probably spread to her sinuses. We have some synthetic morphine for her if it gets too bad. We've upped her Prednisone.

The coughing is getting so bad.

Another decline and rebound

Tika had another decline in health. She stopped eating again, and stopped drinking water.

I tried to take her temp, which I've done before, but she wasn't having it, and bit me. First time she's ever bitten me, ever.

Needless to say it wasn't pretty in the household.

I loaded her up in my car and another indication that things weren't too spiffy was the fact that she for once, laid down in my car instead of pacing about (I don't have a dog friendly car, even tho' it's a small SUV)

So, once again her temp was at 103+. She was generally feeling crappy. The vet and I discussed treatment. We decided to go back to Baytril to treat the fever since it worked last time, he gave her a shot of cortisone and I will finally start with Prednisone, and he gave her a pain shot and sent me home with more Buprenorphine.

The vet wanted to know why she hadn't been on Prednisone, I said, ask your colleague, I asked for Prednisone a month ago. So I probably got somebody in trouble. I was also a basket case and cried a lot in the waiting room. Tika talked to the vet staff and held my hand.

Really, the dog will hold your hand, she laces her claws and toes in between your fingers and actually holds on. I think she held my hand for my sake. Sweet baby.

When we were giving the shots, it took both me and the vet assistant, Tika fought, she never fought before. The vet and I figured that she's starting to hurt. But he felt that as long as she is still 'talking' to us, wagging her tail and seemingly happy, if it were his dog, he wouldn't rush things. Let's just treat the pain.

I went home, the next day hubby returns from his trip and starts researching Buprenorphine and all the side effects and doesn't want to give it to her. The Baytril (antibiotic) kicked in and knocked out the fever, so she started feeling better.

The cortisone has really diminished her cough, that may be good or bad, who knows. So she has rebounded again. A heart of a lion miss thing has.

Happy 10 month ampuversary

To my girl--love you so. Didn't think you were gonna make it this far after our scare earlier this month.

Happy 10 months! --Love Momma.

Happy Ampuversary to MEEEEE-EEE!!!

PWND!

Totally. We think Tika is faking this cancer stuff. She found out that she can con us out of good food, have us wait on her hand and paw.

I busted her eating KIBBLE, yes regular dog food. Oooo, girlie. I'ma gonna get you.

So needless to say, she's doing great. Did a complete smackdown on Caya this morning because Caya was being a maniac. Cracked me up.

Here's to you, Tika. You rock.

Finally gave Caya her bath, she doesn't like it (the medicated shampoo has to sit on her skin for 10 minutes...YES 10 MINUTES) Handled it like a trooper. Also tried to maul me in our walk-in shower after a while. So as a result, I got a bath/shampoo also whether I needed it or not.

Tika was highly entertained...Finally, you are torturing the little dog.

Tonight I was curled up with Tika, the cough has come back and it's a doozy. She still eating and happy and wants to go for walks, but she coughed up some very bloody mucus. Even she was like yuck.

I try to be strong for her, but I can't help but tear up. Her breathing has gotten a bit worse.

Damn, she's a tough pup.

End of Life care

Tika has rallied, and brought great joy to our hearts.

We found some things that she'll eat so she's getting a calorie count in her.

I give her a SubQ injection of Metcam everyday, that seems to keep the fever under control.

She also has Pepcid if she needs it.

We got to go for a walk and let them roam off leash, that dog does so much humble me.

So, we take each day as it comes, alway monitoring to make sure Tika is happy and comfortable. Dreading the days coming when things start degrading with her help.

But, we were able to buy time right now after we though we were losing her last week. That's more precious than anything.

Her Highness Calls

Okay, I'm not denying that she is sick and also dying, but man, what a BRAT.

Of course that being said, I couldn't be more overjoyed in her brattiness.

I swear if milady had a little silver bell she'd be ringing it. Please dahling, more water, more food, more treats.

Now that her appetite is returning, I'm trying to get her back on regular food, she ate some today, but the faces and theatrics? OMG!

I mean, really, we don't expect princess to just eat plain old kibble do we?

Hospice Care

Or should it be Pawspice? That's pretty much all we have left at this point.

The vet could find no indication of infection, however her lung mets have definitely grown. Tika did have a fever, so we gave her a dose of antibiotics.

Thankfully, we've ruled out all parasites or infections and her blood oxygen is an amazing 98%. The vet thinks is the crap cancerous tumors dump into her system that is causing the fever and the general malaise.

Huh, my dog is dying of cancer and she don't feel good, who woulda thunk?

We started her on injectable Metacam, subcutaneously given. That will give her comfort. I will be able to do this at home. After 2 years of fluids on my kitty, this tiny needle on this big dog seems like nothing.

She's also taking Pepcid.

We did find the magic bullet on food. Cesar's Softies--just a regular run of the mill treat. So we are getting calories in her.

Yesterday was a good day, we went for a car ride and walk and she did really good. That night, she not only ate the treats, but she had eaten a burger dad made for her and some luncheon meat and cheese. I was so excited.

But today, she's back to just Cesar treats and her dog cookies. Brat. But she's chipper and a lot more mobile, so I'm not going to complain.

All in all, I think we only have a few more weeks with her. But now it's not a run away train, and we know we are making her comfortable.

Tim started talking about Palladia again. I hid the pills, and he knows it. They aren't going to save her, and I think they were making her feel crappy.

Sleepless nights

I am usually crashing out by 9pm now. I sleep about 3-4 hours before the nightmares begin.

They are usually very weird and disjointed, and I can't remember when I wake.

Then I lay there thinking, is Tika still alive? Is she in pain? And I'm afraid of getting up for fear that she may have passed away.

I finally get up and check on her, and she's been okay. But usually it takes me another hour to try to get back to sleep.

A decision is made

We made the heartrending decision to stop any treatment of Tika. We will discuss her care and comfort for the remainder of her days.

I am getting her to eat, but now she seems constipated. She is showing a little spunk, but you can tell she's tired.

Her current favorite foods are boiled hamburger meatballs, and Turkey Hotdogs with cheese. She did have a McD's cheeseburger (plain) today. She's always been my Fry Guy, so when she didn't eat a fry today, I cried some more.

She does drink lots of water, she has shown a little more energy this evening than she has. However, every time she gets up, her 'smokers hack' starts.

We'll go to the doctor tomorrow to see if she has any secondary infections or possibly pneumonia, and we'll discuss pain treatment.

I hope she rallies, I'm not ready to say goodbye to her yet.

Tika's fading.....or not?

Lots of tears. Maybe I am overreacting I don't know. I feel like she has never rebounded from our last trip. Maybe it was the inhaled chemo. Maybe it was overexertion. But the fact remains, baby girl isn't doing well.

It's been building up but she hasn't been eating, she's visibly lost weight. She's not vomiting, but everything goes right through her.

Today she was very weak, everything was unacceptable to her. I didn't know what to do. We talked to the vet who suggested an antinausea drug. It might take a few days for it to kick in, but I thought okay, let's try. We are discussing stopping the Palladia.

Later on, I finally got her to eat. Boiled chicken. No scent to it. She's hungry, but if she smells something, she's immediately turned off. I was delighted that she ate the boiled chicken, I would dab it in some pumpkin and cottage cheese to get her more calories.

She had been digging at her eyes, I noticed that they are both horribly infected, green goo coming from both. Where did that come from? What does that mean?

I took a sick day today, I spent my time tending to Tika and running upstairs to lay down and cry.

She seems to be getting better, the food is staying in her and not immediately coming out the other end. That's good, she needs the nutrition, I boiled some ground beef in little balls and she thought that was awesome.

I hope she pulls through this, it's been a bit of a strain on the spouse and I and we are taking it out on each other, that's not helping anything.

However, it brings to the forefront the stark reality that our beautiful girl is dying. And that reality rips my heart apart.

A picture says a thousand words

However, I don't like the story line.

Here's the progression of Tika's lung mets from May to Sept.

May, looking good!

June 29, spots, starting to show. (Lower right)

August, mets are definitely growing

September. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

IL2 treatment

Well, we got the news. We had already come to the conclusion ourselves, but it still hurt.

The IL2 treatment wasn't effective, the lung mets have grown, and grown signifcantly.

The oncologist and vet keep telling us that it seems to be particularly aggressive. Well, piss on them for being right. Couldn't they screw up for once? I wouldn't sue them or anything. PROMISE!

We are going for one last try. Tika is still doing great, walking, sassing, eating, having a grand old time. We are going to the University of Missouri Vet Hospital to try inhaled chemotherapy and with a different chemo drug than before. We will also start Palladia which has been approved for mast cell tumors in dogs, but it might work on lung mets.

I do have some misgivings at times, are we being fair to Tika? I hope so.

So the Labor Day weekend is coming up and we will go to Columbia, MO first then vacation in the RV with the dogs the weekend.

Bark for Life

Kansas had it's first Bark for Life event for the American Cancer Society, it's modelled after the Relay for Life.


Held at the Eudora Park, about 75 people showed up with their dogs. I believe Tika was the only true cancer survivor that was also a canine.


They had an agility course which the dogs entertained themselves and all of us by doing. Tika won a prize for her attempt.

Doing the loop, let's go!

Meet my little friend.....

A gentleman visited with Tika for awhile, he was also a cancer survivor, they were having some sort of moment with each other, I felt like an intruder. He thanked me for letting him 'borrow' my girl and told me to "Live in her Strength".

Yes sir. I will.

Starting new treatment for Tika's lung mets

We are starting a new treatment to try to slow down Tika's lung mets. It has a very slim chance of working, but it won't hurt her if it doesn't. This fits our criteria for trying new things.

It is an immunotherapy treatment called IL-2 Interleukin-2 Liposomes. She will have to inhale it twice daily for 30 days and then be rechecked.

We've been practicing and I'll be damned if that dog just doesn't roll with the flow.

"You want to put a bag on my snout? Uh, you are weird, but I guess, sure why not"

The treatment isn't cheap, but it will be pretty darn groovy if it works.

Tika says: You weird bleeders....

The supplies for treatment (and not a home meth lab!)

Here's hoping things work out! Metronomic protocol will continue. Hubby is researching the next treatment option.

Happy 2 month Ampuversary

Tika’s two month ampuversary. She’s doing absolutely great. She’s gone from her nickname of ham-butt, to her nickname of fuzzbutt. She’s getting used to letting us help her into the car, etc. We’ve discussed the Metronomic protocol with the oncologist and she has agreed to start Tika on the one pill, an NSAID called piroxicam.

The goal of the Metronomic Protocol is to impede the growth of any cancer cells/tumors.

Every three months we take Tika in for lung X-rays to see if they are still clear. We would like to keep her with us as long as possible with the best quality of life possible.

Tika has become nothing short of infamous at VSEC. She marches in and just talks to everybody and is an absolute goofball. VSEC isn’t really a place that folks go because their furry kids are doing well, so it’s nice to watch Tika bring a small smile to people’s faces or just for her to love them up. I think sometimes it gives them hope, because really Tika is a happy dog.

Over the next few weeks, Tika continues to heal. As she gets stronger, I get stronger also. I’m very humbled to be around her. We switched her food over to Innova EVO, a high protein, low carb diet. We made the mistake of having Caya go on this also. Big mistake. Another problem EPI dogs have is that they can’t digest high fat foods.

Long story short, Lil’ Miss became a weapon of mass destruction. There were fumes coming from that dog that would clear the room. WOW! To save you the gory details, let’s just suffice to say that we went back to her normal food and life returned to normal.

Every day Tika gets stronger, her fur is growing back, but she looks like a badly shorn sheep. Tim and I can’t resist patting her bald butt, she looks at us, like….DO YOU MIND.

She has made a couple of trips upstairs, it takes some effort on her part, but she’s so proud when she gets it done. By now, the scarf used to support her is a natural thing, so on the weekends, I grab the scarf and Tika runs to the steps so I can help her upstairs to torment Tim awake.

We have gone through another chemo treatment with flying colors, blood counts are good. We are now researching Metronomic Protocol.