RIP, my sweet baby Tika

No matter how much you try, you can never prepare yourself for when it is time. Even though you know you are doing the right thing, your heart just shatters into a million pieces.

Yesterday, after the big meltdown, we calmed down and laid our hostilities and anger to rest. Hubby comforted me, apologized to me and I did the same. We went to visit Caya who was looking like a train wreck. She was also in the same kennel that Tika was in after her amputation. I told the vet staff to please name this kennel after us.

About 2 a.m. this morning, he comes up to me, the first time in 12 years I've ever seen him crying, he tells me...It's time. I get up, and go downstairs and gather Tika to me, she's gasping for air, I rub her chest and back until she can get her breath back. Once she is comfortable, we try to get a bit more sleep ourselves.

This morning, my husband has shut down, I make some calls and get in touch with the vet. We decide to bring Tika to the office, they have a special room, and we'll have the place to ourselves. We have about an hour left with Tika so we hugged her, and I told her that she needed to be Caya's guardian angel now because she's really, really sick. Pretty soon, I told her, you won't hurt anymore, and you'll have all your legs and breath and will be running around chasing rabbits.

We loaded Tika up into the truck and made our last car ride to the vets last as long as possible. Tika looked so worn out, there was absolutely no color to her gums or tongue. We get her into the office and start talking to the vet about what was going to happen. Tika of course summons up the strength to wag her tail at the vet, and vet tech.

In the end, it was very very peaceful, she just laid her head down and that was it. It was the first time in several weeks I hadn't seen her struggling to breathe. How can your heart break yet you feel relief at the same time?

Goodbye, sweet princess, I will always love you so.